Friend Crushes, Courtships, and Loves

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Week 2 of celebrating our #womancrushes!!! If you’re wondering what happened in week 1, you can read Sarah and Mia’s story (and the reason I wanted to celebrate the friend crushes we have on our lady friends) here! This week we meet Marisa and Diana who’ve been best friends now for 2.5 years. They met and bonded in a mosh pit, had some real talk about whether or not they were friend dating or dating-dating — they decided on the latter — made some truly bizarre YouTube videos called “Chin Faces,” and have been figuring out what it means to make a long-distance friendship work.

What I love about Marisa and Diana’s friendship story is that is highlights the ways in which our feelings for — and attraction to — our friends can ebb and flow over time. And the line can sometimes be blurry: am I friend crushing or crushing-crushing? As Monica Heisy points out in her essay for Rookie Magazine: “A good crush, like a good friend, is someone you want to be around—someone who makes you laugh and think and feel good and be brave.” And maybe you sometimes feel like making out with them. Feelings can be complicated, but that doesn’t mean that they need to threaten the relationship. Read more about how Marisa and Diana went from friend crush to courtship to long-distance BFFs.

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How did you guys meet? And was it obvious to you at that moment that you just had to be friends with this person? Or was it a more gradual process?

M: I was in Ottawa visiting a friend, Kaleigh, and we planned on going to the Neon Windbreaker show one night. Kaleigh was childhood friends with Diana and invited her to join. I immediately thought Diana was super rad, after all, how many girls would be willing to start a moshpit at a small punk rock sausagefest with you?

D: It was time for me to shine in the mosh pit and Marisa was the only one who joined me. We jostled and thrashed together like two pirates dancing in the moonlight. I knew I wanted to be friends with her but I was too drunk to be sure.

M: Yeah, I didn’t immediately think we would be friends considering the distance between us and I was leaving for Toronto the next day, but I knew we were going to have a memorable night.

When did you know that you had a friend crush? What was it about this new person that made you feel like you must be friends with them?

M: I would probably have to say I knew I was crushing the second she decided to mosh with me. I loved her free spirit, the undivided attention she gave me, and her unbelievable ability to ignore everyone around her that may put a damper on the night. Oh, and of course, the fact that she has the absolute most memorable and genuine laugh I have ever heard (or not heard… because she laughs so hard she can’t breathe).

Who made the first move? Did they ask you to go on a friend date? What did you do the first time you hung out solo?

M: I was definitely the one that reached out to Diana first, I sent the friend request and when I heard she was moving to Toronto I messaged her to see if she wanted to hang out. I also was the one that followed up when she didn’t respond for a week. I definitely pursued Diana.

D: I feel like I was the one who made the first move! Our mutual friend reminded me Marisa lives in Toronto when I moved there, so I figured it would be cool to meet up and chat. Marisa suggested we go to this grimy bar that’s basically right out of a drug lord movie. We got drunk and had the most in depth conversation about life and death. At a certain point, words were useless and meaningless in comparison to what I felt and I had to kiss her. So I started making out with her. She complied.

M: After last call we found a Korean bar that was willing to sell us more booze and we laughed all night until Diana threw up in the bathroom with the door open. I quickly picked up the $50 tab, helped her out the door, and hailed a cab. Because Diana couldn’t remember her address, I went through her phone, found her address and told the driver. I walked her to her unit as the cab waited for me, she then kissed me and told me she was sleeping on her friend’s couch and couldn’t have me over that night. That was our first solo hang out and I realized I had no idea if I was accidently dating Diana. An awkward conversation at lunch a few days later cleared things up fast.

D: I just wanted to make out with her, but I thought she wanted to go home with me. She, on the other hand, thought I wanted to take her home, but she didn’t want to because of her boyfriend. So the goodbye was awkward. We both wanted to be polite, but abrupt at the same time. We didn’t talk about this until months into our friendship.

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What are some of your favourite activities to do together?

M: When Diana was in Toronto we often went on hikes or would try out new restaurants. I would say our favourite thing to do is drink wine, eat cheese, watch Broad City and make ridiculous videos of chinfaces. Now that she lives in Korea, we talk on Skype or Facebook video nearly every day or every other day. We quote Broad City and are planning on bringing chinface videos back once we figure out how to record Skype conversations (tell us if you have tips!). Click to view their first ever Chinface video

What are some other things that you’ve bonded over?

M: When we met, my dad was terminally ill and Diana was going through a lot of life transitions; we really bonded over our struggles and kept each other positive and level-headed. We were definitely each other’s support systems. We also bonded over Broad City and our obsession for cheese and wine.

What’s one of your favourite memories with your friend?

D: We traveled to Panama together and backpacked the country for 10 days. I’ve seen some of the most gorgeous sights I’ll ever see with her and I’m so happy we shared them together. I remember when we were driving up a mountain, trying to find this mysterious “hostel in the clouds” and I looked out the window and realised we were in a cloud, and the sun was shining on this exotic looking mountain and I cried. And we just watched it in silence.

M: It’s so hard to name just one memory! One of my favourite was on her last day in Toronto. She had her going away party the night before and called me at 7am telling me she had to do some laundry. She showed up at my door completely covered in cake. I found some clothes for her to change into and washed her cake soaked clothes. I hung her clothes outside to dry and when I came back inside, the breakfast I made her was tossed around on a plate, she was blasting We Found Love by Rihanna and dancing in just a bra (which was still covered in cake). This wasn’t abnormal, but it was the last time I would witness it for over a year so I soaked the perfect moment in like her cake soaked clothes did just hours before. I miss these moments so much.

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What is one of the goofiest or funnest things that you’ve done together?

D: Definitely the “Chinface” videos. We decided one night it was a great idea to draw faces on each other’s chins with my eyeliner and come up with scenarios this “chinface man” would encounter. I think we made about 5 – all completely irrational and totally inappropriate – to the point where most of my family has now deleted me off Facebook.

M: There’s no way I can’t mention our Chinface videos. But there’s also our 2 year anniversary trip to Panama. There was this time I had to poop and we were on a secluded beach that we hiked for over 2 hours to get to. Diana was on lookout duty on the beach in case someone came by… then someone was walking through the bushes I was pooing in and Diana freaked out thinking I was SVU’d.

How does your friend help balance you out? What do you get from them that’s special or different from other pals in your life?

M: Diana always knows what I need at that exact moment. She literally cries with me from laughter and sadness and will never leave my side, even if that means laying in bed on skype with me for hours. Diana’s different because she is filled with so much unconditional love and romance for every person and every cause. She’s strong, bold and beautiful in every way.

D:  Marisa’s my constant. I can be goofy with her and totally wild, I can tell her anything and she’ll always back me up. She can bring me down to reality and she helps me see what’s best for me when I’m winded. Our strengths are so different, but balance each other out perfectly, and there’s always room to meet in the middle somewhere.

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How has your friendship grown or changed throughout the time that you’ve been friends?

D: We’ve been through a lot together. Her father’s passing, my big breakup, my moving to Korea, and through it all, we’ve just become more concrete. We understand each other more everyday. I think she has me down to a science, which is incredible because I don’t think anyone has ever achieved that. It scares me sometimes. I hope we continue to scare each other in that sense.

M: We sing a lot more freely with each other… sometimes our skype calls consist of us just belting out random singing-like noises for minutes at a time. I would say that has evolved a lot over the past couple years. We’ve also gone through so much together that we have zero limits and I’m fairly confident we know each other’s bodies like we know our own.

What do you most admire about your friend?

M: Diana’s strength, compassion, desire for adventure and infinite love.

D: Marisa has the biggest heart I know. I admire her ability to constantly care for others the world at large. She’s always showing others she cares for them through care packages or small gifts or words of love and encouragement – surpassing the meaning of thoughtful.

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This post was written by Margeaux

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